Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
