We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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