what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
