Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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