I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The adults are the big ones right?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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