Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize