Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
