her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
