my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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