Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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