I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
