I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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