Yo dont text me then not text me
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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