Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
