Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
