we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You took a bar mat shot.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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