I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
