The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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