Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
