i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
