I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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