i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
