Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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