Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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