We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize