you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize