I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
