Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
