somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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