My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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