i will never coherently bang her
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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