My hand turned me down
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
