Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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