Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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