I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
