Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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