I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
everyone is single if you try hard enough
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
