it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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