if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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