i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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