they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
