I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
