marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
