I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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