Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
