I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
