people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
