I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
