My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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