My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
