I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
