my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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