I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dignity is for republicans.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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