im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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