Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize