wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
