even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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