the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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