he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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