only you would photoshop your dick
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
