it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
