xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
