So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
