just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Randomize
