So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
