evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
