I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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