I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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