Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
