i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
