I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
