If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
