Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
