he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
