I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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